Power ranking Lance Stephenson’s most absurd moments
By Kevin Kaspar
Footnotes
1: This is the first search result from Giphy when you enter “Lance Stephenson.”
2: Stephenson averaged 8.2 points, 4.5 rebounds, and 3.9 assists per game in 61 appearances with Charlotte.
3: To this day, I still don’t understand how Lance wasn’t ejected from the game. Or at the very least given a technical. A tip of the hat to #14 for remaining calm and acting like nothing happened. Who knows what would’ve happened if this were Scott Foster, Joey Crawford, or Marc Davis.
4: This happens a lot. The Pacers have been eliminated by a LeBron James‘ led team four times in their last six playoff appearances.
5: It’s comforting to remember a time when basketball cyborgs named Russell Westbrook weren’t churning out triple-doubles like clockwork.
6: #PETTYWARZ is a movement in the NBA Twitter community. The commander-and-cheif of #pettywarz is “His Grace of Pettiness,” @World_Wide_Wob
7: See Lance Stephenson listening in on the Miami huddle at the 0:27 marker of the same video. Such a veteran move that oozes pettiness.
8: For the Michael Jordan truthers ready to throw hands; I SAID “ARGUABLY!”
9: This is an entirely made up statistic.
10: Watch the end of the play. Dudely is so pissed off that he gets up from the floor, scoops up the ball, and hurls it at Shaq. The cherry on top of the whole thing is the camera catches Dudley shouting, “F*CK YOU!” at Shaq. The entire thing is so absurd, and I love it so much.
Methodology
Before we get to Lance Stephenson’s greatest hits, we must identify a method to the madness. Every Lance Stephenson meme or gif has five core themes that feed into it; Stakes of the Game, Absurdity Factor, Disrespect Factor, Opponent’s Reaction, and Meme-ability. Each factor will be graded on a scale of 1-20, meaning the highest possible score is a 100.
Here’s more information on each of five elements being ranked. Feel free to skip this and get into the rankings.
Stakes of the game
How important was the game in which the event took place? Were the Pacers contending for a championship or did Lance see garbage with the Clippers? Consider a rating of 20 the equivalent to a Game 7 of the NBA and a 1 as a pickup game at noon at your local park.
Absurdity Factor
Creativity is key here. Lance Stephenson is the outright king of thinking of the most bizarre ways to piss off the other team.
Disrespect Factor
Success in the NBA is 50% skill, 10% teamwork, and 40% ability to get in the opponents head9. There is no better way to get under your opponents skin than to disrespect their skill, play style, status, anything really. Let Shaq dunking Chris Dudely be the basis for the most disrespectful play in NBA history10.
Reaction from everyone else
How did everyone not named Lance Stephenson react? For reference, this includes but is not limited to; opposing players, teammates, coaches, fans, referees, celebrities, play-by-play announcers, etc.
Meme-ability
This last one is a phrase I just made up so let me define it for you. How meme-worthy was the moment? Did NBA Twitter blow up or did it get lost in the shuffle? Longevity matters, folks.