Lost in Translation – Larry Bird: "This Franchise Is FUBAR. It's Gonna Take a Minute"

In Pacer land, it’s all about the “three-year plan” for Larry Bird. We’re about half-way through those three years now, and Larry sat down with some reporters to talk about it yesterday, basically telling Indy fans to chill out on all the “why do we suck so bad?” questions. But obviously, when a GM addresses the media and is putting stuff out there publicly, he can’t be completely candid. Even a straight-shooter like Larry Legend has to pull a few punches and be sure to spin stuff in the right way.

So we here at 8p9s figured we would help you understand what Larry really meant.

Larry Bird: “We knew that we had to clean it out and rebuild it, and we knew we were going to go through some tough times. Nobody likes to lose, and everybody wants to be a part of a winner. We think we’re on the right track to get there.”

Translation: “Yeah, we suck. Not much we can do about it at the moment. We’ve been telling you it was going to be 2011 for like two years now. ‘Do something, anything!’ is what got us into this s***hole in the first place.“

Larry Bird: “The one thing Jimmy bought into when he came here was that we were going to rebuild, and we were going to struggle at times. I always say the losses are on me because I want him to work these guys hard, develop the young guys we have and keep moving forward with what we have.”

Translation: “Jimmy ain’t perfect, but he’s doing what I tell him. Besides, who the f*** else are we going to get to coach this roster until 2011? It ain’t the coaching right now, it’s the talent.”

Larry Bird: “Even if we were healthy all year, I thought we could win 36 to 41 games with this team. In a rebuilding phase, which I think we’re on track with, we’ll just have to go forward with it.”

Translation: “I thought that, in the East, even a roster of cast-offs, never-will-bes, and not-yets around Danny Granger might be enough to make the Playoffs. Apparently not. Some guys got hurt, and Dunleavy apparently had a stroke. Whatever. S*** happens. Doesn’t really change anything.”

Larry Bird: “The one thing about this team is that we stand too much and we settle way too much for the outside shot. If we get to the hole and put the pressure on the defense, we’re a lot better. When we stand and just take outside shots, we have a tendency to struggle.”

Translation: “Right now, we have too many p***ies.”

Larry Bird: “T.J. knows that I respect his game, and he knows how much I like him,” Bird said. “It’s unfortunate that they’re in that situation, but at that time, we wanted to see if A.J. could play, and we know he can.”

Translation: “You want him? You can have him. Here, take him. He’s a little guy. I think he’ll fit in your briefcase. Need help carrying that out? And, here, have a free Pacer pen, too. Want me to sign something for your kid?”

Larry Bird: “With Roy, he’s made great strides. He’ll continue to get better because of his work ethic. He’ll struggle at times, but I think in the long run, he’ll be a very valuable player for us.”

Translation: “Oh, please, God, let that be true. OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod, PleasePleasePleasePlease.“

Larry Bird: “Jimmy’s done an excellent job of doing the things I want him to do,” Bird said. “It won’t show in wins and losses, but it will show in the long run.”

Translation: “I ain’t payin’ two coaches.”