Bill Simmons thinks the NBA should re-vamp the tired dunk contest during All-Star weekend. Instead of doing things all normal like, it’s time to make this year’s challenge the Try To Dunk on Roy Hibbert Contest.
His rationale makes sense: The dunk contest is generally bad and Roy Hibbert has only allowed opponents to shoot 40.6% at the rim.
Even without Paul George, Lance Stephenson, and George Hill in front of him on the perimeter, that percentage is actually a slight improvement over last year (41.1%), making him the fourth stingiest defender this season (among players who face 5 or more shots at the rim per game), per NBA.com.
Obviously, the Sports Guy is having a bit of fun here. The NBA is not going to actually have a Try to Dunk on Roy Hibbert Contest — nor would the Indiana Pacers allow it even if the league wanted to.
But what if they did?
Which players would you most want to see take the challenge?
Here are our picks.
Next: Russell Westbrook
Russell Westbrook
My theory with this stuff is that it works best with strong personalities. Sure, it might be fun to watch the Greek Freak take two dribbles from mid court on a full sprint and try to elevate over Roy Hibbert. But succeed or fail, young Giannis Antetokounmpo would probably just walk away sheepishly.
Enter Russell Westbrook.
Does anyone attack the basket with more ferocity?
Would anybody take it more personally if he got denied at the rim? Would anybody strut and preen more were he to succeed? (Well, maybe Swaggy P.)
Russ would watch the other five contestants joke around. He would watch them attack the Big Fella halfheartedly. And all the while he would be planning his move with an assassin’s intensity. The entire crowd would hush as soon as they saw the look in Russ’s eye when he grabbed the ball.
As both players left the ground, time would slow down and all breathing would stop. I can barely contain my excitement right now, just visualizing the end of the world as we know it.
– Jonathan Washburn (@Twitch8p9s)
Next: Kyle Korver
Kyle Korver
Kyle Korver, the dunking machine from the league-leading Atlanta Hawks, would be the best player to go at Roy Hibbert in a dunk contest.
Have you seen this dude get up? It’s elevation at its finest. Every time Korver takes flight I just pray he lands safely so he can continue to exhilarate us with his thunderous jams.
I don’t think you guys understand how many Kyle Korver trading cards Topps has sold over the past decade. I sold his original rookie card to a die-hard collector last season and used the money as a down payment on my new Tesla. I actually just read that the #3 selling poster of all-time is actually an absurd Kyle Korver tomahawk that’ll make you say “Did this dude just did this?!?!”
Yeah, he actually dunked over a 7-footer in the 2000 Olympics and someone captured the photo. Crazy it only ranked third. #1 and #2? The original Twilight movie poster and some chick named Justin Bieber. Whatever. Korver definitely wins.
I’m not so sure Roy would agree to this “Try to Dunk on Me” contest if he knew ahead of time that Korver was involved. That’s basically a death wish, given his history of destroying the Pacers with vicious slams throughout his career.
For the sake of Roy’s manhood, I hope Kyle Korver doesn’t hear about the contest.
– Justin Ochoa (@Justin_M_Ochoa)
Next: Lance Stephenson
Lance Stephenson
If Lance Stephenson participated in the “Dunk On Roy Hibbert Contest,” we might get more Royal Rumble than Dunk Contest.
Hibbert and Stephenson’s history in Indiana was mixed, and with Lance’s heel turn the last time they played, I imagine there might actually be some venom in this match up. Hibbert was never a fan of Lance over-dribbling and stealing a few rebounds just to pad his stats. Roy seemed to be singling out Stephenson when he said there were “selfish dudes” on the team last season.
Outside of any perceived or actual animosity, an appealing part of this match up would be Lance’s no eff’s given attitude when attacking the rim. I imagine if given the chance to dunk over Roy Hibbert, Lance Stephenson might go all out, sacrificing life and limb to try to complete the dunk.
– Ben Gibson (@CowboyOnPatrol)
Next: DeAndre Jordan
DeAndre Jordan
I never considered Lance Stephenson a great dunker and really don’t think he’d have much of a shot on Hibbert. And while seeing Paul George go at his former Dunk Contest prop would be awesome, I’m gonna go for the rare Big vs. Big challenge.
I wanna see DeAndre Jordan go up against Roy Hibbert — with no alley oops.
DeAndre can jump outta the building, and you know he is down to do anything to help build his name as anything other than “that guy the Clips didn’t play at the end of close games because he can’t shoot free throws.” Plus, we’ve all seen Roy destroy any number of guards and small forwards; I wanna see if he pulls it off against someone his own size.
Ultimately, I think DeAndre is successful where some of the guards fail, just because he can go above Roy then thunder down a massive dunk — and he won’t take the same kind of fall off balance from a hit the way smaller players would.
Here’s how it would play out: the first attempt, DeAndre would try to dribble the ball from half court for speed and dribble it off his foot. Roy would try to pick it up, only to have it careen back in Jordan’s direction. The Big Fella would then dive/fall on the ball and call timeout while sliding across the floor.
Second attempt: DeAndre wisely runs with the ball instead of dribbling but hits Roy head on and the two fall backwards.
Third attempt: DeAndre starts from the 3-point line, takes two giant steps and leaps for a tomahawk jam that clears past Roy’s reach, breaking the backboard, the rim, and the court itself.
DeAndre and Roy would then look at each other and scream while chest bumping.
– William Furr (@Will_Furr)
Next: Carmelo Anthony
Carmelo Anthony
I’m going with Carmelo Anthony. Why? Please allow me to present the evidence.
Exhibit 1: This series-ending block from Roy in the 2013 playoffs:
Exhibit 2: The time Roy and Melo got back together in January of 2014 and basically recreated the exact same play.
Let the record show that Roy Hibbert already has two .gif-worthy blocks on Carmelo Anthony.
If given a third attempt, can Melo avoid an embarssing 3 and out? We need to see this rematch in the “Try to Dunk on Roy Hibbert Contest” to settle this once and for all.
Ladies and gentleman of the jury, if we do choose to reopen the case of Roy H. v. Carmelo A., there must be one stipulation: Melo has to drive down the right baseline, just as he did before. He then has to challenge Roy one-on-one, just as he did before.
Now whether he goes one handed or two, that’s shooter’s choice, but everything else must remain the same.
Although Roy obviously has the upper hand, there is no way Melo would let it happen again, right?
Come on, Melo. You got this.
– Whitney Medworth (@Its_Whitney)