— Gatorade (@Gatorade) March 28, 2014
Paul George is apparently Gatorade’s newest pitchman and he has an explosive new commercial that we will likely be seeing incredibly often throughout the playoffs. We watched it and broke it down for you the viewer.
0:00 – Oh look, a new Gatorade commercial. These have been largely bland since Mike retired, but I guess I will check it out. The bottle says “Fierce”, but the gray background says “boooooooring”. Maybe this flavor should be called “Boring Blue”?
0:02 – OH SHIT, PAUL GEORGE JUST BUSTED OUT THE BOTTLE! The bottle is gone, you guys! Oh my lord, that was so fierce! Is it possible to have your thirst quenched through a computer screen? I feel hydrated by the power of dripping-blue PG.
0:03 – That faceless Bulls player is in deep trouble.
0:04 – Wait, did the Bulls player explode out of a Gatorade bottle, too? He does have red electrolyte flying from his body. I’m no algebra expert, but doesn’t that cancel out Gatorade in this equation? If they both drank the same stuff, but one is about to spin past the other – doesn’t that make Gatorade irrelevant? What does this commercial mean?
0:07 – Uh, is Paul George throwing down an insane dunk while Onyx’s Slam blares in the background? Bacdafucup, this is the greatest commercial ever.
0:11 – This is a guttural scream only achievable by a man whose desire to destroy anonymous Chicago Bulls and whose deep need for sugar-laced hydration have been resoundingly quenched. AHHHHHHH!!!!
0:13 - Just shut up and take my money.
Watch the whole thing yourself (via USA Today), but be warned: The flavors are bold. Very bold.
UPDATE: Paul George offered some thoughts about the ad.
— Paul George (@Paul_George24) March 28, 2014